What Moms Fear

Early on, I noticed something fascinating – or at least I found it so – about the other mothers of AS children.

They wanted to know all about my marriage.

Almost every single one of them was thrilled to meet someone married to a man with Asperger’s Syndrome.  And they all wanted to know why I had made the choice I had.

Of course, it had nothing to do with me.

They were thinking of their sons.  More specifically, of their sons’ future   Of whether their child could ever find a spouse, or whether he (or she) would be destined for loneliness, due to social challenges.

It is a scary thought.

My mother-in-law even confided how relieved she was to see her son marry.  Now, she could stop worrying about him so much.  Now, she knew he’d be taken care of.  He’d have family even after she was gone.

I had never thought so far, myself.  I lack the foresight, or the planning, or am too lost in the present battles to think that far into the future.

But the other moms are there.  They’re already worried about their child’s happiness and whether he/she will be able to enjoy a family and be taken care of later on.

I’m happy to say that, of course, people with social challenges – Asperger’s Syndrome or not – can still have beautiful souls, be fascinating conversationalists (maybe not conventional, but definitely fascinating to the right audience ), have shared interests, display wit, own a contagious smile, show engaging humor… the list goes on.

Love sees past little things.

So, happily, I can address this particular fear for the future.  In a purely personal, unscientific way, that is.

Yes, I married a man with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Willingly, even.  And he’s a fascinating, brilliant individual.  Just like so many of your sons – or daughters – will be one day.

About aspergerfamily3

Living in an Asperger's World, surrounded by a love of learning, interesting people, and daily challenges.
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2 Responses to What Moms Fear

  1. Wendela says:

    This is so true! I am the school psychologist on my county’s autism assessment team, identifying autism and autistic-like behaviors in toddlers and preschoolers to help determine eligibility for early intervention services. So many parents, moms and dads alike, have been astonished and thrilled (sometimes to tears) to learn of my marriage to a man on the spectrum. Of course, there is no way to predict whether a three-year-old will one day marry and have a family. (This is true of all three-year-olds, of course, not just our Aspies.) But knowing that someone is out there, happily married for decades to a man with a similar diagnosis to their quirky child, gives so much hope.

    Sadly, just one month shy of our 27th anniversary, my David had a massive heart attack and died at age 54. Now, more than 1 1/2 years later, I find I can share with families again about our marriage, when that is what a family needs to hear.

    Thank you for this blog – it’s such a gift!

  2. You are very kind. Thank you for your insight.


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